After my dad ended up in ICU, I traveled to Pittsburgh to be with my family so working out was the last thing on my mind. The last week of July, my mom, two sisters, and I were in the hospital from 9am-10pm…. There was no time, energy, or desire to workout. The one morning I tried to get up and run and ended up making it two minutes before I burst in tears and resigned to walking. \
After he passed away the grief was so strong it completely takes over your body and uses up so much energy… it’s completely indescribable. I’ve lost people I’ve loved (grandparents and others that I was close with) but this loss was so big and close to me, not to mention unexpected, it took such a toll on me. Once I returned to work I needed that slight amount of energy to get through my work day and then I would come home and nap. Grieving really is that exhausting… I had no desire to cook or exercise which are two of my favorite activities, both of which I generally find very therapeutic.
Last week I decided I wanted to try to bring the normalcy of physical activity back in my life so I started out very slow and exercised for about a quarter of the amount of time I usually would. Short swim, short bike, and short run. I talked to my yoga teacher about what I was going through and asked if she had any recommendations for yoga focused on emotional healing… she was super sweet and helpful so I am now pursing some of the options she gave me. I’m finding yoga brings out so many of those tough emotions but I think that is a good thing. (and thank you to my other yoga teacher friends that have given me some other suggestions <3)
My plans for this fall were to do two more Olympic tris (one in August and in September) and then to continue marathon training. Marathon training was supposed to start the last week in July, and it did not. This past week I’m getting back into running and still planning on trying to do the marathon even though my timeline is 12 weeks of training instead of 16 weeks. I’m not doing the August triathlon due to being undertrained, although I’m still hoping to compete in the September tri.
I’ve been trying to take time for myself and healing… it’s weird to not have any energy or desire to run or workout-I usually get so excited for exercise. So many things matter so much less than they did before. I really want to do the marathon though- I know my dad would be so proud of that, so that’s my main goal for the fall, once I get the rest of the pieces of my life back together.